留学申请文书范文分析与练习(1)

by admitwrite · 2016-04-22

留学申请文书

下面这篇留学文书用于申请一所顶尖学校,阅读范文后回答问题

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Describethe world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — andtell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.



I was born and raised in Vietnam. At the age of fourteen Ileft my comfort zone to do to Singapore on an ASEAN scholarship to pursue mydream of a better education (Parke’s note: the government of Singapore providesfull scholarships to attend secondary school for top students from around theregion. The students are academically gifted.) Not only has this place taughtme to become an independent young adult but also shaped my thoughts toappreciate and make the best use of the diversity around me.


Being the youngest child in my family I was used to beingtake care of by my parents. When I first moved to Singapore I found it hard tomanage everything on my own. No matter how simple or difficult the problem was,as a young girl, I had never found it easy to make decisions. It had neverstruck me how doing my own laundry could be so complicated, or how makingcollege decisions could be such a gigantic task. With lots of lessons learnedin hard ways I have learned to be more independent and mature.


The learning process could have been bumpier were it not formy friends who stayed with me in times of need just like my support group back home.The only difference here was that my friends in Singapore came from far morediverse backgrounds with different races, cultures and languages. As my lifehas been spiced up with interesting individuals around me, I learned how to bemore racially sensitive as well as culturally appreciative.


Singapore has given me more than an excellent education. Ithas trained me to become an independent adult to get ready of any challengeslife might bring to me. It has also taught me to see life through differentangles by embracing diversity.



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阅读范文后回答以下问题:

Rate this essay from 1-5 with 5 being the highest. Whatrating did you give it and why?


English is not the student’s first language. Should this betaken into consideration when evaluating the essay?

The prose here is clear but not sophisticated or detailed. How much should thisbe weighed in determining whether this student should be offered admission?

If this student had the money to hire a good editor and the essay was finelycrafted as a result would this underscore the issues surrounding who getsaccess to highly selective colleges and universities? 


Do you think that going off to another country to attend agreat school has made this student more mature than many who have stayed athome? 


Should maturity be an important admission criteria inselecting students? 


Rate the student from 1-5 with 5 being the highest on howmuch diversity she will bring to campus. What rating did you give and why?


Do you think that even if some highly selective schools aresignificantly overrepresented with Asians students that this means they shouldnot be given a significant plus in terms of adding diversity? Defend youranswer?


Are some Asians more diverse than others? If yes, does thisapply to other races and ethnicities too? If so, how would you define how muchdiversity an individual could contribute on campus?


If you knew before reading this essay the student scores2130 on the SAT I test and had 3 SAT 2 scores of above 750,would this alter how you perceivedher writing and academic ability?


Does this essay help predict academic success? 


Would this student make a good roommate?


If you were to give this student advice about how to improveher essay what would you say?


How do you define diversity?


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